Archive for humor

A Greek Christmas Poem

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , on Tuesday, 22 December 2009 by Deems

I got sent this by BG yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it – if you’re Greek, or even half-Greek, or even know someone Greek you’ll enjoy this. I’m so getting my dad to read this on Christmas Day, he’ll get a real kick out of it.

If you know the original source of this let me know and I’ll give credit.

T’was the night before Hristouyenna and all through the spiti
I could smell fasolatha & pasticho through my miti.
Pandofles were hung on the fireplace quite low,
Hoping Ayios Vasilis would bring some poto.
Patera in his krevati was snoring pretty hard,
Tired from stealing the tree from
our malaka neighbours’ yard.

Mama was in the basement cooking like a nikokira,
adding just enough lemon to her fresh made horta.
When the thorivo came from outside the porta,
Baba yelled from his room “ela mesa re malaka”.
The knocking on the door, such a rude, loud barage ,
I yelled through the window
“It’s a Greek house re malaka, come in through the garage!”

Then, standing in the garage right next to my car,
was my drunk thio Mitso coming home from the bar.
“Ainde kimisou methismene” I told him with might,
“you’ll ruin my chances of seeing Ayio Vasilis tonight”.

About two hours later I heard a noise down the stair,
I jumped from my krevati to see who was there.
Standing by the tree eating leftover fakkes,
Was Ayios Vasilis reeking of tsiporo no less.

He was all dressed in red and as big as an ox,
Wearing brown “pandofles” along with black socks.
Smelling like a katsiki with a touch of “Old Spice”,

He’d been drinking for days and smelled not very nice.
He was putting the presents out under the tree,
They were wrapped like skata, it was quite plain to see.
Vrakyia & 6 kaltses from Myer for me,
and 12 for my brother cuz he’s only 3.

This Santa was paraxenos, nothing like the fable,
Before leaving he stole my tsigara from the table.
I yelled “Eh, Ay’ Vasili, ti kaneis ekie?”
and he turned and he threw his “pandofla” at me.

The look in his eyes was nothing but fright,
He said “fiye apo tho, re malaka” and dashed out of sight.
And he called to his reindeer, and called them by name
I knew they were not the same animals from “Jingle Bell” fame..

“Ela Mitso, Sotiri, ke Nektario,
Yianni kai Taki, Thanasi kai Yiorgo…”
“Ainde grigora na pao ya katourima”,
and he yelled as he went “KALA XRISTOUYENNA“.

VOTD: Adriano Celentano’s ‘English’ Music Video

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , , , , , on Thursday, 17 December 2009 by Deems

I saw an intriguing post in my daily feed from BoingBoing entitled “Gibberish rock song written by Italian composer to sound like English”.

It’s about a short skit called Prisencolinensinainciusol from Adriano Celentano‘s, an Italian actor, show. His idea behind the skit was to create a song with American English sounding lyrics to put across what American English songs sound like to non-English speaking people.

I listened to the song’s lyrics while doing something else and couldn’t quite remember what the words were, but I could have sworn they were in English. When I played the song again and listened more carefully as they lyrics were sung you could make out that some words sounded like English words, but were clearly not.

In 1970, an Italian man recorded a song long before disco and rap that is very close to both, and then an unnamed person choreographed it for a battalion of dancers in a hall of mirrors. If the results are really as miraculous as they seem right now, and I am not just talking myself into something, it is precisely because “Prisencolinensinainciusol” is such a loving presentation of silliness. Would any grown performer allow themselves this level of playfulness now? Wouldn’t a contemporary artist feel obliged add a tinge of irony or innuendo to make it clear that they were “knowing” and “sophisticated”? It’s not clear what would be gained by darkening this piece of cotton candy, or what more you could know about it: it is perfect as is. – source The New Yorker

If that’s not cool enough, think about this – this video clip is from his show from 1972 – that’s 37 years ago. Now take into account the disco/rap style of the music – quite the pioneer, don’t you think?

VOTD: Too late, Windows 7

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on Monday, 23 November 2009 by Deems

I got sent this by a friend and I’m sure a lot of people share the same sentiment. It’s a parody video by Tobuscus of OneRepublic’s “Apologize” [via Koukla]

POTD: Pirate Keyboard

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , , , on Saturday, 19 September 2009 by Deems

Shiver me timbers! Thought this would be an appropriate photo since today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

pirate-keyboard

RRRRRRRrrrrrrr!!!!!

VOTD: The The Impotence of Proofreading

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , , , on Saturday, 12 September 2009 by Deems

How many times have you written something using a word processor with a spell checker that corrects your work as you type and either not proof read it and sent it off or read it again afterwards wondering what you were smoking while writing it? Some spell checkers try to be intuitive as to what you meant to write but if not taken into context can have funny and disasterous effects. Take a look at the video clip below and enjoy – I wonder how many times he rehearsed that bit to get it right and not stumble over his own words! [via Rarmadig]

VOTD: 10 drugs not to do while driving

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , , on Friday, 11 September 2009 by Deems

Here’s a funny German video about the 10 drugs not to do while driving. It’s all in German, but you should be able to get the message. Here’s the list anyway:

  1. Heroin
  2. Hashish
  3. LSD
  4. Cocaine
  5. Alcohol
  6. Valium
  7. Ecstacy
  8. Glue
  9. Absinthe
  10. All of them

Well, okay, it wasn’t 10 different drugs, just go with it, okay? While the video is funny – drugs are a serious thing – don’t get involved. [via Baldricman]

VOTD: Parallel parking kid

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , on Monday, 7 September 2009 by Deems

I know I’m going to get flamed for this but what the heck.

See, even at a young age, men are just better drivers. [via DCP]

Mensa Invitational: New Words

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , on Tuesday, 25 August 2009 by Deems

This has been floating around the office via email today. I see there are a number of posts like this one already but no clear original source – if you know let me know.

The Washington Post’s Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men.

VOTD: Finally, Google Opt-Out feature

Posted in Funny, General, Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on Friday, 14 August 2009 by Deems

Google ensuring they abide by the “don’t be evil” guideline are now offering users the option to opt-out and ensure their data is kept private. It’s a simple trip in the back of a van to an undisclosed location in the mountains. Check out the detailed report in the video below. [via Onelargeprawn]

VOTD: N00b boyfriend meets 133t parents

Posted in Funny, General with tags , , , , , , , , on Wednesday, 12 August 2009 by Deems

Jessica brings home her n00b boyfriend to meet her 133t parents and gets pwned by the father – hilarous – another gem from the gang at College Humor. [via Onelargeprawn]

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.